Listen
Up! Newsletter
Change
Your Perceptions – Change Your
Life!
Carol
M. Welsh, Author/Speaker
This
newsletter supplements Carol’s book:
STOP WHEN YOU SEE RED
To learn more about the
four perceptual
styles, to order the book,
or to contact Carol Welsh, click here: www.stopred.com
May 2006
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Say What?
Apparently
in Illinois it's illegal to use your cell phone while driving so the
police are asking for your help in identifying those drivers. However,
their request left Lane Martin scratching his head: “Driving
along I-90, just west of
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Tip of the Month
In a note from a friend
that
recently lost her husband: “I'm in the
acceptance and reorganizing stage right now and it's quite an emotional
load. I
long for Ken, to touch him and hear him and it's a lonely house. Too
bad people
don't understand that it is Ken I wish to talk about and not inane
chatter to
avoid it.” When a loved one dies, they aren’t erased from your
life
experience. They are an integral part of who you are. Your time
together
created many memories. Talking about these memories, good and bad, help
in the
transition of moving into your new life without them. When you allow
friends to talk about their loss, you’re allowing memories to hug them
so they doesn’t feel quite so alone.
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Fears that Drive
Reactions: The Wholistic
Perception
When
your
hot buttons are pushed, it triggers an initial emotional reaction which
is fueled
by your fears and influenced by your perceptual style: Audio, Feeler,
Visual
and Wholistic.
For
instance, the first emotion that Audios feel is anger when
they think someone is trying to control them. Maintaining
personal control is of utmost
importance to them.
For
Feelers, their initial reaction is indignation
because they feel unappreciated for all they’ve done for you. Not being taken for granted and your showing
that you appreciate their thoughtfulness are of utmost importance to
them.
The
first
emotion Visuals feel is frustration
when they can’t get you to see their reasons for doing things in a
structured,
step-by-step fashion. Perfectionism, or
having high standards as they see them, is of utmost importance to them.
For
each of
the perceptual styles, there are four major fears that stimulate the
reactive
emotion. The initial reaction Wholistics feel is resentment.
This article is devoted to the fears that stimulate
Wholistics’ reactions.
Fear:
Wholistics
are
afraid of not being given a chance to excel. Wholistics are born with
the feeling that they are destined for excellence. Therefore they somehow
know if given
the chance, they can rise to the occasion.
Reaction
stimulated by the fear: They can see the shortest
distance between two points, so may
feel resentment when others don’t want to follow their recommendation
on how to
do something more efficiently. They feel shackled by those who pull
back because
they want to do something their own way rather than the easier way that
he
could prove is faster and easier, if given the chance.
Fear:
Wholistics
are
afraid of life passing them by before they show the world what they are
capable
of being/doing. They
want the opportunity to try new things, to think outside the box, to be
a risk
taker.
Reaction
stimulated by the fear: If they expected others
to open doors for them rather than
pursuing their dreams or if they were passed over for promotions or
opportunities, Wholistics may become bitter. They make excuses by
blaming
others for losing their dreams. However, the excuses don’t soften the
disillusionment they have in themselves.
Fear:
Wholistics
are
afraid of failure and not reaching their full potential. They want to leave a
legacy, not an
obituary that reads “He existed for 82 years and died.”
Reaction
stimulated by the fear: Wholistics are risk
takers when they have confidence in
themselves. But if they have low self-esteem because they perceive that
people
do not value their ideas/feelings/beliefs, they become cynical and give
up on
trying anything new: “Why bother, nobody cares about what I think or do
anyway.”
Fear:
Wholistics
are
afraid of restrictions. They want to be free to
go with the flow, be spontaneous. They don’t
want to be tied down. They like work environments where they are
encouraged to
be leaders and try new ideas.
Reaction
stimulated by the fear: They don’t like to feel
hemmed in by unreasonable demands or
expectations that they consider a waste of time. If management does not
appreciate initiative or innovation, they might quit their jobs or just
put in
their time doing what is minimally expected of them. They can become
negative
and moody.
Charles
Finn
shows us in his poem, Please Hear What I’m Not Saying, that we
all wear masks
to hide our fears. (His poem is printed with permission in Stop
When You See
Red.) Wholistics are the most adaptable of the four styles. This is
why
they are so adept at switching masks. They are chameleons, quickly
changing
masks as needed for the moment.
How can you help
Wholistics remove
their masks? The masks allow them to put on a persona of bravado, which
hides
the desperate feeling that they’ve failed to reach their full potential
and
will never amount to anything. By accepting them as they are and
encouraging
them that it’s never too late to be all they are capable of being, the
masks
will fall one by one. Your faith in them will renew their faith in
themselves.
Your
fears will
dissipate if you believe in yourself and know that you are here on
Earth for a
reason. At times you may reach for your masks to provide a temporary
retreat. However,
when you let go of discouragement by courageously facing your fears,
the masks
will disintegrate. Your life will be more
meaningful and rewarding because you
will be in control rather than your fears controlling you.
Copyright © 2005-2006
Carol M. Welsh. All Rights
Reserved