Listen Up!
Newsletter
The essence of a
strong relationship is
to be open to the perceptions of others.
Carol
M. Welsh, Author/Speaker
This
newsletter supplements Carol’s book: STOP WHEN YOU
SEE RED
To learn more
about the four perceptual styles, to
order the book,
or to contact Carol Welsh, click here: www.stopred.com
January
2007
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Say What?
"Tired of cleaning
yourself?
Let me do it."
(From: Bona Fide Classifieds at http://humor.about.com)
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Tip of the Month
Did
you
accomplish any of your 2006 New Year’s resolutions? Perhaps you wanted
to but …
you procrastinated and now it’s 2007. Here are 5 resolutions that are
easy to
keep:
1.
Whenever
you are walking, whether it’s from the parking lot to the store or on
the way
to a meeting at work, SMILE! It’s
contagious and
brightens the day for those who “catch” your smile. Besides, it makes
you look
younger.
2.
Do Random Acts of
Kindness.
3.
Play! Playfulness
reduces stress and makes tasks fun!
4.
Tell and show your family members how much you
love them.
5.
Look
for miracles – God’s little coincidences. File them in your memory to
bring
sunshine to a rainy day.
I used to listen to a
classical music program on NPR in
The Secret behind
Procrastination
Did you ever wake up one
day and decide, “Today I am going
to procrastinate!” Of course not because the reasons why we
procrastinate are
mostly subconscious and driven by our four perceptual styles: Audio,
Feeler,
Visual, and Wholistic.
Why do Audios
procrastinate? Audios like being
in control, being the boss or leader everyone admires. If they think they lack
the
ability to complete the task, they might find ways to procrastinate
rather than
simply admit it and ask for help. Asking for help could be considered a
sign of
weakness. Refusing to stop and ask for directions when lost is not
necessarily
just a “male thing.” Female Audios can be just as stubborn. “I know what I’m doing!”
Another possible reason
for
procrastinating is that Audios like being the boss. If someone in an
authoritative position orders them to complete a task, they may drag
their feet
because they want it to be their
idea.
Audios prefer giving
orders rather
than receiving them so they may rebel or resist what they perceive as
an order
when it’s a mere suggestion. They’ll either get to it when they’re good
and
ready, or will complete the task and conveniently forget to tell you
when it’s
done. They may actually relish the time when you finally break down and
ask if
the task will be completed in time to meet the deadline.
They usually respond with
a smug
look—followed by irritating silence—forcing you to repeat the question.
With an
impatient sigh, they’ll answer, “Oh, that? I did it a long time ago.”
As if
somehow you were supposed to know that! When you ask, “Why didn’t you
tell me?”
their reply might be, “You didn’t ask!”
If you are an Audio,
think about the satisfaction you will feel when others admire and
respect you
for what you’ve accomplished. Challenge yourself to reach the first
goal and
then set the next one until it’s done. If your boss asks you to do something, that means he or she believes you can
do it. If
you procrastinate, they will feel the need to constantly ask you how
it’s
coming along or to nag you to get the job done. They will start to lose
respect
for you because you are showing them they can’t rely on you. Why take
the
chance of losing their respect when the control is in your hands. It’s
your
choice: either acting irresponsible or being respected and admired for
a job well
done.
Why do Feelers
procrastinate? Feelers usually don’t
procrastinate
because they love the sense of accomplishment of getting things done.
However,
in a relationship issue, the desire to maintain harmony with their
partners and
not make waves may cause them to postpone talking about an issue.
Feelers with low
self-esteem are
often self-critical, taking on blame and guilt for situations not
necessarily
their fault. This might be further aggravated if they are living with
someone
who is critical, often pointing out their faults. So if not
doing something keeps others from criticizing them, what
appears as procrastination might actually be self-preservation.
The fear of making a
mistake might
cause a Feeler to procrastinate doing something when they are uncertain
how to
do it. That’s why they like hands-on instruction and practice before
attempting
something new alone. Feelers cringe when they make mistakes. They like
pleasing
people, not disappointing them. Here are three definitions of a
mistake: (1) There
are no mistakes—only learning experiences; (2) A mistake merely shows
you how not to do something; (3) A mistake is
when you don’t learn from your mistakes!
If you are a Feeler,
don’t worry
about making mistakes. It’s part of being human. Think about the
wonderful
opportunities to learn that await you. Regarding relationship issues,
the
longer you wait to express your feelings, the more difficult it will
be. Learn
to express your feelings in a timely manner rather than hiding them
until one
day the pent-up feelings cascade into an explosion.
Why do Visuals
procrastinate? Visuals identify who they
are by
what they do. That’s why they often feel, “If it’s going to be done
right, I
have to do it myself.” Delegating responsibilities to others is a
challenge for
Visuals.
Between getting stuck on
a detail
because it doesn’t meet their high expectations and preferring to do
everything
themselves, Visuals may look like they’re procrastinating when actually
it’s
perfectionism getting in the way. The end result is deadlines don’t get
met,
which can lead to pressure and frustration, or the timing is off. The
action
taken is too late or the window of opportunity is gone.
Visuals may procrastinate
if they
feel they can’t do the job right. If they wait until the last minute,
then they
have an excuse for not doing the job well. Or, they might end up
quitting or
not even trying because to them, not achieving those standards might
cause you
to perceive them as failures.
If you’re a Visual, learn
to
delegate. Recognize that as long as the end result accomplishes the
goal, it
makes no difference if some steps in the process are done differently
from the
way you would do them. Also, realize that if something did not turn out
perfectly, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you as a person.
Accept that
it’s okay not to be perfect. You can maintain standards of excellence
rather
than impossible standards. That way you can let go of the completed
project or
task rather than hanging on to it and nitpicking away at it.
Why do Wholistics
procrastinate? Wholistics love the
planning stage of a project or program. Otherwise
they need to work on projects that can be completed quickly before they
lose
interest. If they get bored with something, they aren’t motivated to
get it
done. So they end up with unfinished projects.
Since Wholistics live in
a world of
possibilities, they prefer to remain open to other options. It just
makes sense
to Wholistics to go with something that will have even better results.
Some
people may tease them that they belong to the “idea-of-the-month” club
because
they can be enthusiastic about something and then change their minds
midstream
because they want to try something new or improved! This jumping from
one idea
to another may cause others to think they are procrastinating on an
idea or
project when they have actually dumped it and moved on.
Wholistics procrastinate if they haven’t learned to prioritize because
they want to do it all. They can get lost in the maze of projects and
run out
of time. Then they’ll claim they don’t have time to prioritize! It
becomes a
vicious cycle. Why suffer the embarrassment of always being late?
If you are a Wholistic
and have
learned the benefits of being organized, you have worked your way out
of that
maze. Since you like the freedom to be flexible and open to new ideas,
being
organized and allowing time for the unexpected provides you that
freedom.
When
you
are aware of why you procrastinate, you can control it by prioritizing
what
needs to be done now, delaying what can be done later, and putting
other tasks
or projects on the “if I have time” list.
Copyright
© 2005-2006
Carol M. Welsh. All Rights Reserved