Listen
Up! Newsletter
Change
Your
Perceptions – Change Your Life!
Carol M.
Welsh,
Author/Speaker
This
newsletter
supplements Carol’s book: STOP WHEN YOU SEE RED
To learn more about the four
perceptual
styles, to order the book,
or to contact Carol Welsh, click here: www.stopred.com
February 2006
Say What?
"I understand the
importance of bondage between parent
and child." Dan Quayle
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Tip of the Month
Helen Rowland said,
"When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's
a
few steps ahead is the one that's mad." Is that you or are you one of
these: A couple walking with their shoulders hunched, looking down, and
not
speaking because they’re sad, or are you like the elderly couple who
walk arm
in arm or hold hands, their hearts filled with gladness for they have
learned
the secret to loving is acceptance and forgiveness.
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How
to Make Your
Valentine’s Day Sizzle Rather Than Fizzle
Valentine’s Day is
a day for
romance…or is it? For some, it's a day for hurt, tears, and
disappointment
because it sets up expectations, both verbal and non-verbal. The
commercialization of Valentine’s Day kindles these expectations,
causing many
men to believe that they must do something to avoid ending up
on the
Valentine’s Day casualty list.
How we respond to
Valentine’s
Day is influenced by our perceptual styles, Audio, Feeler, Visual and
Wholistic. For instance, the Audios dread this holiday while Visuals
look
forward to it with eager anticipation.
Valentine’s Day was
made for Visuals.
They can visualize down to the last romantic detail of what is required
to
create a memorable day. Usually they want to surprise you. For them,
much of
the pleasure comes from seeing your expression of delight as the magic
they
envisioned and planned unfolds.
If you are the
“object of his
affection” for this special event, make sure you know when you need to
be ready.
Otherwise you may unknowingly “ruin” his plans because you didn’t know
being
home at a particular time was important. You might be greeted by stony
silence
because he is blaming you for “wrecking” Valentine’s Day. When Plan A crashes, Visuals are thrown into a vacuum.
Instead of
letting the day fizzle to a day of disappointment and resentment,
suggest a
Plan B that is “of equal value or better” to save the day.
The ideal
Valentine’s
Day for Visuals is that everything turns out as they imagined it would.
Feelers just want to make you happy. They want a
loving,
harmonious time together. They enjoy making you feel special because it
gives
them a nice warm feeling to see the joy and appreciation in your eyes.
They
probably will ask you what you would like to do for Valentine’s Day.
They feel
if they do what you like, then it’s a safe bet they won’t disappoint
you.
If your partner is
a Feeler,
if possible, take the whole day off and go do something which both of
you enjoy
or make it a fun family day. If you leave a sharp word or criticism
dangling,
your Valentine’s Day will fizzle, guaranteed. You can bring back the
sizzle
through hugs, flirting, and playfulness.
The ideal
Valentine’s
Day for Feelers is that it’s a loving, harmonious time together.
Wholistics like to do some planning but then allow for
spontaneity and doing something different. Their idea of planning a
special
Valentine’s Day is, for instance, a get-away weekend but then go with
the flow
once you get there. They like to enjoy the moment rather than having
every
moment planned.
Your Wholistic
partner likes
impulsive fun. Let go and play together. An example is one couple
waited in the
parking lot until their table was ready. The weather was comfortable so
they
opened the car door, put on some music and danced under the stars. The
20-minute wait became a magical time together.
The ideal
Valentine’s
Day for Wholistics is fun, spontaneous, and in the moment.
For Audios,
Valentine’s Day is a real pain. They want to do things when they are
good and
ready, not because a “command performance” is required. So they might
wait
until the last minute and get a Valentine that has little sentiment and
maybe
the last wilted rose or box of candy. Now to take it a step further, he
might
think sex is another obligation he has to fulfill because it’s
Valentine’s Day.
So you go through the motions with neither feeling better for the
effort. With
a sigh of relief, he might think, “good, that’s done,
I made it through another Valentine’s Day.”
You’ll both be
happier if you
can make it a comfortable “stay at home” night that you both enjoy or
go out
with mutual friends that stimulate good conversation. He wants you to
be happy
on Valentine’s Day but isn’t sure how to make it happen…all this darn
sentimental stuff – who needs it. He would prefer it if you plan the
evening.
The ideal
Valentine’s
Day for Audios is that you plan a casual dinner out with friends or
invite them
over for dinner and maybe a game of cards.
Unspoken
expectations are
lethal. Talk about Valentine’s Day. Do you want to celebrate it? If you
say
“no,” you must mean it! If you don’t want to spend money
but
still want to celebrate Valentine’s Day, make it a tender, loving day.
Couples
and families that play together stay together. Make it a fun family
night by
playing table games.
The most common way
to
celebrate this holiday is with a valentine. It makes you feel special
because
your spouse or partner took the time to select a valentine. There are
beautiful
and funny ones that make you smile. At the very least, simply saying
“Happy
Valentine’s Day Honey” with a warm hug shows you remembered. But the
best words
of all are still, “I love you” spoken from your heart throughout the
year. Then
romance is sizzling everyday rather than fizzling down to nothing.